You know those voices that keep telling you that ‘you can’t do blablabla’ or ‘you never get blablabla’ or that ‘it’s not worth it’ and so on – those voices that always seem to come up with a list of excuses as to why you are not going to do something or why you did something that you are not very proud of?
They are also brilliant at blaming other people /situations as to why we couldn’t / didn’t do something.
All those voices come from inside of us.
Actually originally (way way back) they came from outside of us (external influences, things we heard and were told growing up), and they rooted themselves deep inside of us.
Plus they are very convincing.
So we believe what they say.
The thing is, we feel stuck because we keep listening to those voices.
Those voices in our head which just get louder and louder and we can’t seem to switch off.
But although they seem very real, they aren’t and they are not telling us the truth.
They are, however, extremely powerful.
And they have the power to hold us back.
To keep us feeling stuck.
To make us literally freeze in action.
And they do.
Because we listen to them.
Why wouldn’t we?
They come from inside of us, so they are part of us. And we have our own best interests at heart, right?
We protect ourselves. We like to keep ourselves safe.
Safe from what?
From doing things that have either hurt us in the past and we haven’t ever really healed.
Or from doing things we are scared of because we don’t really know how to do them.
We feel unsure about it, so we don’t want to put our foot wrong, because then what might happen?
We could fail. We could make the wrong decision. We could look like a fool. We could feel like a fool, (the list is endless, but you know what I mean).
So what can we do about it?
There is a lot to be done, but you have got to start somewhere, so here are a few tips to get you going:
- Start being aware of your thoughts and emotions that are making you feel anxious, worried and scared (and other negative feelings) – write them down on your phone, a notebook, a document, whatever – just capture them as you notice them and you will start to see a pattern emerge.
- What happened just before? What triggered that thought / emotion / behaviour / reaction? (again write it down and notice the pattern)
- Do your best to focus on the now. You will probably notice that the worries are usually linked to future and past events. Which is pointless, it’s out of your control, so don’t let it waste your time and energy. Make a conscious effort to live in the present.
- A mind that is constantly working needs to rest. Just like your body, your mind needs to rest. I’m not going to say ‘meditate’, as I don’t do that myself, but make sure you are getting enough sleep.
- If you have a tendency to want to control things, then you need to stop that. The only ‘thing’ you need to be in control of is yourself. So start to shift your focus to taking more responsibility for your own actions, rather than pointing out (which is blaming) what other people are or aren’t doing and what other situations / events aren’t helping.
Pick one to start with and see what a difference it makes.
I would love to hear how you are doing!