I’ve mentioned before that our subconscious mind takes up over 90% of our brain function.
That’s a lot, right?
And as I’ve also said, our subconscious mind is one of our prime saboteurs.
Even though its intentions are good (like all that advice we are given by our well meaning family and friends), even though it means well, it really holds us back rather than helps us.
I know I want to have all of my brain working with me, not against me.
Without being consciously aware of it, we are living our lives according to other people’s rules.
We are forever trying to do what we ‘think we should do.’
We want to do ‘the right thing’.
And we plod along in life thinking we are making decisions according to what we want, but that is really not always the case.
One of my client’s is always saying ‘But I want to do the right thing.’
What is ‘the right thing?’
For whom? For you?
Are you sure? Is that what you truly want deep down?
You probably don’t even really know. Because there is far too much ‘noise’ going on.
You see, as we go through life we tend to disconnect from who we truly are. From our true essence.
The more we read, hear, interact with others, the more our brain gets fed new information (and in this day and age we are constantly bombarded with it) and so it struggles to know how to filter what are the things it should keep for us.
It’s a huge tangled mess.
It probably looks something like this:
We grow up being told a lot of things about what we should and shouldn’t do, what is right or wrong, and we are taught to see the world through our parents expectations, our teacher’s expectations, society’s expectations (to be the perfect woman, wife, mother, daughter, cook like Nigella Lawson, look like Gisele, be as sexy as a Victoria Secret model, etc. etc.)
So we go around trying to make ourselves better and better, busier and busier to fit in with all these roles – what is expected of us, what we think we want.
And still, we aren’t satisfied.
We are so busy trying to be and do what is expected of us, that we stop having fun.
We stop enjoying ourselves.
Because if we really did what we wanted to do, what would that look like?
And what would others think of that?
What if they got the wrong impression?
But you know what?
I am not perfect and neither are you.
What would perfect even look like?
Why is it so important?
We are our own selves, and that is what makes us unique.
With our pet peeves and imperfections, our crooked teeth or wonky nose, with those extra 3 /5 /10..kg
Whatever! Who cares?
“I do” you say.
Or a little voice inside you says.
A voice that has such a huge pull on you that you can’t distinguish it isn’t actually you.
It’s all those beliefs / fears / thought patterns that you have been picking up along the way. Without even realising it.
The thing is, it isn’t really you. It’s things within you. Which don’t belong to you. It’s all those things that care. Not you.
Limiting beliefs like:
“I should look good because it makes me feel good”
“I should be able to prepare a yummy, interesting and amazing looking meal for my family every day”
“I should have done that quicker”
“I should not let the ironing pile up”
Can you notice all the “should’s”?
The word “should” is a good indicator that your mind chatter is the one doing the talking.
Wanting to be perfect is really just to protect ourselves from judgment and criticism.
Which means our own sense of worth is linked to what other’s think of us.
But we don’t see it like this. We actually beat ourselves up about it and think ‘I should / could have done better’.
Maybe you could have. So what?
A week ago I recorded my first webinar. I was nervous that whole week before. I kept on postponing it. Resisting. I was scared of doing it and therefore kept delaying it. Leaving it until the last minute.
Here are some of the mind monkeys that were having a party in my subconscious mind, and holding me back:
“What if I mess up?”
“I hate being in the spotlight.”
“What if nobody listens to it?’
“What if it isn’t interesting?”
“What if it is rubbish?”
“I hate speaking up.”
“I’m camera shy.”
“I’ve never done it before.”
“What if someone watches it?”
“I don’t really want anyone to watch it.”
They (the mind monkeys) were trying to protect me.
They were doing their best to keep me from feeling bad. From putting myself out there. From stretching myself. From moving in to the unkown, the uncomfortable.
They actually weren’t helping me at all!
Because when I actually moved beyond them, and just did it, when I stopped resisting, it honestly wasn’t that bad.
And although I still haven’t watched it, as it would probably just allow all my mind chatter continue to have a party and say “you see how you made a mistake right there? You see how you ummed and erred over that bit?”, I just put it out there on to the world wide web.
Yes, I know I can do better and I am sure I will. But I was very proud of myself that I faced my fear and discomfort of being in the spotlight and just did it.
I felt fantastic and have been very energised and driven since.
I did it because I wanted to do it. And because I had committed to doing it. There were other people relying on me.
I was being true to my core values, to me and not to what my mind chatter was telling me.
So what are you resisting? What are you postponing? What is giving you the heebie-jeebies?
There might be gold nugget clues in those answers.
So go on and do some digging!