When we are in fear and anxiety it doesn’t feel good.
Fear and anxiety are powerful emotions.
And although if we take a step and look at them simply for what they are, ‘emotions’, when we are experiencing them they can take over and put us in a real state, ranging from worry to sheer panic.
It seems irrational.
But is it really?
You see, we only feel the feeling because of the thought we have around it.
Fear and anxiety are consequence of thinking XYZ might or might not happen in the future.
Thoughts such as:
“What if I don’t get XYZ?”
“What if XYZ doesn’t ____ (like me / hire me /…)”
“What if XYZ is better than me?”
And if we take all of these thoughts (which are really only fragments of possibility of a worse-case scenario happening), and peel back the layers, what they all boil down to is:
“If ______ (the worst case scenario happens) what does that mean about me?”
Or in other words, what will I do if I don’t get what I really want?
It will mean I’m not good enough.
It will mean someone else was better.
It will mean I’m not worthy.
It will mean I’m unsuccessful.
It will mean I wasn’t able to.
It will mean I failed.
All of these thoughts are so profoundly linked to our sense of worth, that they shatter us in our core.
They make us feel helpless, or hopeless or useless, or… all of the above.
And the only way out of this is to really become better at managing our emotions.
At challenging our thoughts.
At noticing that those thoughts are, well, just thoughts.
That they are not the truth.
Just because XYZ might happen, it doesn’t actually mean we have to tell ourselves that we are useless.
It can just be that what we wished would happen, didn’t happen at this point in time, but that doesn’t mean we are any less of a worthy person.
But what our subconscious mind does, is it pulls out all the history of when what we wanted to happen didn’t happen, and stores it as just another example of ‘you see how what you want to happen never happens?’
So when you find yourself spiralling down a path of negative thoughts about yourself, catch yourself out and take a moment.
is this the way I want to feel?
Is this the way I am willing to feel?
What are the thoughts that are popping into my head and do I really want to validate them as being true?
Can I absolutely 100% say they are true?
Am I really being fair to myself?
This moment of stepping back and challenging your thoughts, puts you back into control.
So that instead of being a victim of a situation, you can use it as a learning point.
Because there always is a lesson.
Even if you can’t see it at that very moment.